(C)1991 Chris Klepac<\/p>\n
[This very amusing piece was the first TUO contribution of Chris Klepac. At the time, Chris was 13 or 14 years old; TUO3 contains his scenario “The Travesty” which is one of the best-received works we’ve published. Always years ahead of his age in talent and maturity, Chris continues to write and be weird and presently works as our office manager.]<\/em><\/p>\n The Keeper’s eyes narrowed over the top of the GM screen. “Before you stands a massive iron door, meticulously inlaid with blasphemous carvings. The door is sealed with lead, and three iron shafts have been placed across it, each imbedded in the walls nearby. Glowing runes and sigils appear to have been hastily but expertly scrawled across the portal’s surface. There is no knob or handle of any kind. A scribbled message written in a madman’s hand warns `Death Lies Within’.”<\/p>\n James spoke up first. “We open it.”<\/p>\n Uh oh. You’re the Keeper and you’re in trouble. You made a note to yourself that if your players were stupid enough to enter a certain place, they deserved to be eaten by a Cthulhuoid monster. Well, they did, and you don’t happen to have an appropriate monster on you. Sure, you can roll up bogus stats, but description is the soul of the game. So here is a simple chart for when you’re in a tight spot, or just need some inspiration. Roll D% as many times as you like, or until you roll a capitalized item (those are nouns rather than adjectives). That tells you to stop rolling. Have a blast.<\/p>\n 01-02 \u00a0 horrible [A postscript: the “James” referred to in the article was a player in our group during MASKS OF NYARLATHOTEP. He was, quite possibly, the unluckiest player I’ve ever known. His crowning glory came during a midnight break-in at the Penhew building in London. Attempting to Sneak through a darkened hallway with a fully-loaded handgun, he fumbled his Sneak roll and tripped, drawing the notice of a nearby guard. A subsequent Luck roll was also fumbled, and his gun went off. Finally, a “to hit” roll for the gunshot was impaled – and he shot himself.]<\/em><\/p>\n
\n03-04 \u00a0 shambling
\n05-06 \u00a0 tentacled
\n07-08 \u00a0 evil
\n09-10 \u00a0 Monstrosity
\n11-12 \u00a0 horrendous
\n13-14 \u00a0 mind-blasting
\n15-16 \u00a0 undying
\n17-18 \u00a0 unthinkable
\n19-20 \u00a0 Beast With A Thousand Eyes
\n21-22 \u00a0 terrifying
\n23-24 \u00a0 dark
\n25-26 \u00a0 leprous
\n27-28 \u00a0 hairy
\n29-30 \u00a0 Spawn Of (appropriate Great Old One)
\n31-32 \u00a0 cold-blooded
\n33-34 \u00a0 screaming
\n35-36 \u00a0 gibbering
\n37-38 \u00a0 rotting
\n39-40 \u00a0 Mass Of Flesh
\n41-42 \u00a0 kill-crazy
\n43-44 \u00a0 insane (probably redundant)
\n45-46 \u00a0 hellacious
\n47-48 \u00a0 fanged
\n49-50 \u00a0 Creature From The Stars
\n51-52 \u00a0 disgusting
\n53-54 \u00a0 slimy
\n55-56 \u00a0 writhing
\n57-58 \u00a0 insect-plagued
\n59-60 \u00a0 Travesty Of Nature
\n61-62 \u00a0 vile
\n63-64 \u00a0 gigantic
\n65-66 \u00a0 slavering
\n67-68 \u00a0 unnameable
\n69-70 \u00a0 Horror
\n71-72 \u00a0 ancient
\n73-74 \u00a0 shunned
\n75-76 \u00a0 dripping
\n77-78 \u00a0 multi-limbed
\n79-80 \u00a0 Nightmare Beyond Comprehension
\n81-82 \u00a0 scaly
\n83-84 \u00a0 hate-filled
\n85-86 \u00a0 laughing
\n87-88 \u00a0 man-eating
\n89-90 \u00a0 Avatar Of The Void
\n91-92 \u00a0 bloodlusting
\n93-94 \u00a0 demonic
\n95-96 \u00a0 idiotic
\n97-98 \u00a0 flesh-eating
\n99-100 \u00a0Vision Of Death<\/p>\n